Category Archives: Less Sea-rious

16 awesome ocean songs

Whether you are on a boat trip or cruise and want some appropriate songs, or whether you just want to imagine that you are out at sea whilst in the office or lab, we have some tunes for you. Below are 16 of the best ocean songs out there, including some beauties from The Beatles, The Beach Boys, Frank Sinatra and Led Zeppelin.

The Kooks – Seaside 

Disney – Under The Sea 

Continue reading 16 awesome ocean songs

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Every academic to live on campus by 2020

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This satirical article on The Daily Mash made me smile today, and seemed to be begging to have a few words changed around in order to make it even more appropriate for academia. Enjoy:

Universities have revealed new measures to help you spend all your time doing work and publishing papers.

As well as radically extending university opening hours, universities will demolish your house and put your children in “permanent daycare” as part of plans to ensure all academics live on campus by 2020.

Continue reading Every academic to live on campus by 2020

‘Battery’ PhD students to increase UK university productivity by ‘up to 75%’

By Jeff Hawkes

New plans to rejuvenate working conditions for Ph.D. students in the UK were revealed today, receiving a poor reception. The plans are being introduced due to an explosion in PhD student recruitment over the past few decades.

Picture2“It used to be that having a degree was fantastic for ones employment opportunities, but over the years the UK has allowed the value of higher education to decrease and become gradually less relevant to a candidates eventual job.  Now go-getting youngsters who want to ‘get the edge’ on their rivals are having to earn an extremely specific research doctorate in order to apply for any job earning more than minimum wage”, said social analyst Frank Bosser.

“We’re expecting that over the coming years the average Joe will need some years of teaching experience at university level in order to leave higher education with any employment prospects whatsoever”.  It’s quite a normal ‘educational inflation’ effect when there aren’t enough jobs to go around and so people by default continue to get more qualifications.  The problem is that the universities stay the same physical size, so ‘something’s gotta give’” Continue reading ‘Battery’ PhD students to increase UK university productivity by ‘up to 75%’

The truth behind that job advertisement for a lectureship/assistant professorship

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Location: Somewhere you don’t want to live
Salary: Nowhere near enough given the ridiculous number of qualifications you have
Contract type: Full-time permanent*
Interview Date: Don’t worry, you probably won’t make this stage

 *”Permanent” refers to your expected working hours on campus, NOT your job security, benefits, healthcare etc.

PhDcomic

Continue reading The truth behind that job advertisement for a lectureship/assistant professorship

Overly honest (marine science) methods

Dr Leigh (@Dr_Leigh) started a genius Twitter hashtag (#OverlyHonestMethods), allowing scientists to come forward and admit how they might really write those extremely dull method sections if journals gave them complete freedom to be extremely blunt. Here are Words in mOcean’s  own marine science suggestions that you may have been temped to include in your papers: Continue reading Overly honest (marine science) methods

‘Twas the night before Christmas (phytoplankton edition)

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A reworked (some would  say ‘improved’) version of  Clement Clarke Moore’s classic Christmas poem:

christmas plankton‘Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the ‘photic zone,
Few creatures were stirring, most plankton were all alone;
The water was mixed, with nutrients galore,
Critters hoping come spring, temperatures would soar. Continue reading ‘Twas the night before Christmas (phytoplankton edition)

One-man swimming research vessels set to save UK a fortune

Disclaimer: The following post may not be factually accurrate

Ben Fogle’s attempt to swim the Atlantic, in a wetsuit that will capture information about various aspects of the ocean, has reportedly given the UK’s Natural Environment Research Council (NERC) an idea for their next round of budget cuts. In a world exclusive, head of NERC, Barry Bureaucracy, revealed to Words in mOcean that the new plans would see “oceanographers given the opportunity to form themselves into ‘one-man swimming research vessels’, freeing up millions of pounds for the Tory government to put directly into bankers’ pockets”. Under this proposal, NERC’s current fleet of research ships (RRS Discovery, James Cook, and James-Clark Ross) would be converted into luxury yachts and sold, at knock-down prices, to hedge-fund managers and Russian billionaires.

Continue reading One-man swimming research vessels set to save UK a fortune

Let’s give marine science a bad name in schools

Disclaimer: Words in mOcean is not responsible for any catastrophic set-backs to your career or life that may result from following the advice below.

The New Scientist recently ran an article with the title ‘Let’s give science a bad name in schools’. The argument put forward was that because science is often seen as boring by members of the general public, we need ‘rebellious’ role-models that today’s youngsters can identify with. Words in mOcean has compiled a list of five things you, as a marine scientist, can do to turn yourself into a world famous ‘scientific bad-ass’. Continue reading Let’s give marine science a bad name in schools