Why don’t oysters give to charity?… Because they’re shellfish

Why did the lobster blush?… Because the sea weed

What does a mermaid wear to maths lessons?… An algae-bra

Where do shellfish go to borrow money?… The prawn broker

Where do little fish go every morning? … To plaice school

What is a cetacean’s favourite TV show?… Whale of fortune

What did the Pacific Ocean say to the Atlantic Ocean?… Nothing, it just waved

What is a blue whale’s favourite James Bond Film?… Licence to Krill

What did one tidepool say to the other tidepool?… Show me your mussels

Where does seaweed look for a job?… In the ‘Kelp-wanted’ ads

Have you heard about the restaurant that caters exclusively to dolphins?… It only has one customer, but at least it serves a porpoise

What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?… A nervous wreck

A salmon walks into a vegetarian restaurant and the waiter says, “Sorry, we don’t serve fish.”

What did one flat-fish parasite say to the other at the end of their date?… “Your plaice or mine?”

How can you amplify a pirate’s DNA?… PC Arghhh

What did the beach say to the wave?… “Long tide, no sea.”

What does seaweed say when it’s stuck at the bottom of the sea?… “Kelp! Kelp!”

What is the best way to communicate with a fish?… Drop it a line!

Why does it take pirates so long to learn the alphabet?… Because they spend years at C!

Why are seabirds so lucky in love?… Because one good tern always deserves another

Where do you calulate the mass of a cetacean?… At a Whale-Weigh Station

Why had the two algae never had sex?… Because they had a planktonic relationship

What do you call a big fish that makes you an offer you can’t refuse?…The Codfather

What happened to the shark that swallowed a bunch of keys?…It got lockjaw

What did the shark plead in the murder case?…Not gill-ty.

Algae A (to Algae B): “How are things?”Algae B: “Good thanks; business is blooming”

Why does the mermaid wear seashells?…Because she grew out of her B-shells

Why did the fisherman start doing drugs?… Pier pressure

Did you hear about the red ship that collided with the blue ship?… All the sailors were marooned

Why did the algae and the fungus get married?… They took a lichen to each other (although, unfortunately, their marriage is now on the rocks)

Why are there fish at the bottom of the sea?… Because they dropped out of school

Where does a killer whale go for braces?… The orca-dontist

Why did the seawater keep walking around in circles?… Because it was gyred

Where do crabs and lobsters catch their trains?… Kings Crustacean

Did you hear about the lawyer who tried to sue a shark for biting all his limbs off?… He didn’t have a leg to stand on

If you are interested in the ocean, you will enjoy reading our book, “Do Fish Sleep?: and 38 other ocean mysteries”. It is available to buy on kindle here for the reduced  price of $1.46 (99p) until the end of January.